Perhaps, if I had done a Celtic Cross about my health back in December, I would have had an inkling that my plans would not go off without a hitch. I tend to disregard my health as a factor in my professional goals even after brain surgery, even after adult onset epilepsy and even after depression and ADHD have joined the world I live in. I could kick myself, but that would be useless.
All the investment I put into the dream of completing this project in a defined time and space fell apart with a trigger thumb, a fall on my shoulder again (third time in 2 years) and a good bout with depression. A molar had to be extracted. I am scheduled August 1st for ear surgery.
To say I stopped is an understatement. I shut down completely. I hunkered down. I 4 of Pentacles it. I nearly Deathed the whole thought of me ever accomplishing anything at all. Ever.
Truly this has been what happens with me for a decade and I am tired of being set aside for my health calamities.
Here’s the thing though. In the last ten years I have survived, and my kids and my marriage have thrived. My son is writing music (My Page of Cups). My daughter just graduated Magna Cum Laude from Emory University (My Page to Queen of Swords). My husband has doubled his salary (my King of Pentacles) and is going back to graduate school to get his masters degree. My family is thriving (Am I the Queen of Pentacles?) and I hope I have had something to do with that. I really believe in each one of them.
What I want now is to figure out how to believe in myself and maybe it starts with The Chariot, that Cosmic Limosine, the Electron of Possiblissity, where the details and plans get thrown out the window and I trust my vision will come together in good time, and that I can focus on my health now and still reach my destination. After a decade of being pushed to the ground of my being, it is time to stop backseat driving and acknowledge that I live in a body that requires attention.
I didn’t mean for this blog to be about health, but for now, this is what is true for me and I will use the cards to explain my process so you might see how a Tarot deck can become very personal indeed.