Finally! At the Beginning.


If you are just joining me at Kosmic Egg Project, let me first welcome you to Tarot Possiblissities. I am so glad you have joined in. I hope many things forward:

  • You will read and learn a lot about Tarot and other things that you hadn’t been aware of before,
  • In my latest Tarot saga, you can find plenty to relate to and laugh with me, as I am, as all of us are, a Fool
  • Discover some answers to nagging questions about life’s mysteries,
  • Finally, that we can become friends in seeing the magic in our every day lives.

Please enjoy the journey and feel free to ask any questions, vivi@kosmiceggproject.com.

If you are like me, with 20 decks collecting dust, or have only one deck well-worn with love, I want to welcome you, too. I very much hope that Kosmic Egg Project will provide a new perspective for you to put to work. I have every intention of breaking rules even as I value them so you have the chance to develop your own, unique understanding of the cards.

Even with so many years of working with Tarot, I am faced with a new question. Is it possible to write an autobiography with Tarot Cards? I mean that seriously. As I’ve said in other places I wanted to make these cards contemporary, as the Visconti deck was contemporary to its own time. I want the images to be recognizable yet sacred in an expression of a world I consider, though full of holes, holy.

This week I’ve been spending time creating design drafts and written drafts of what I hope will be a Kosmic Egg Tarot Deck and Book eventually. The\ five cards I worked on are “Aces”, four for each of the Lesser Mystery suits, and the One in the Greater Mystery suit. They are known traditionally as The Ace of Swords, Cups, Wands, and Pentacles, respectively. In this deck they will be known as Expression, Hold, Energy, and Material Aces. The Magician in most traditional decks is Male, but I have created my One in the Major Arcana to be a Sorceress.

So what is the Yang about Ones? Ones represent in Tarot a moment when we take action good or bad, light or heavy, here or there. We have exhaled air that will force the lungs to eventually inhale unless we are dead, but, still, something will happen. As mature women, we have already gone through many new beginnings, and we are acutely aware that to every beginning there is an ending. We sense a payment for every gift, if not now, then some other time. We have hit the ground running many times, and we know there is nothing necessarily masculine about it. That is partly why I’ve chosen to make the Major Arcana One a woman. She glows with power.

In each of the lesser mysteries, the Aces are a gift of that suit. In Kosmic Egg Tarot they might be seen as a bit different. For the “gift” they represent is overcoming something we were afraid of or avoided. By this time in our lives, this is what is precious, more precious than something purely new, is making new a vision of something old, or facing a deep fear. For instance, the Kosmic Egg Tarot is an old dream that I’m making new.

This is what I learned this week. One in Tarot’s Lesser and Greater Mysteries is not simply a gift, magic, destiny, sunshine that come along with no explanation. Sorceress is all grown up and faced many initiations, trials, and tribulations. One is about a new beginning, sure, but at any age, and in any gender. It is about recognizing our own i-magi-nation, or the Maji (Magician) within, and how many resources we have access to create our ever new reality. In Kosmic Egg Tarot we have faced some of our childish fears and some of our adult pains so that we can see the value in them so that we can turn the world upside down. In fact, an Ace could be called “failure” because that is a great gift to beginning the game again!  Life’s gifts often come from unexpected sources. Unworthy becomes worthy when we have new eyes when we’ve gone to a library that takes us beyond our knowing. We have finally closed the door on expectations, and opened a new door with a sign on it that says, “Play!”

The book will go into each card in depth and will include the traditional explanations for the cards, as well as my interpretations and the stories about how the drawings came to me.

Meningioma

When I found out I had a brain tumor, I was not freaked out. I was relieved. The painting I did here was an expression of the pain I had been going through since I was a young woman with very little relief — the hateful migraine. I went through so many experiential diagnostic tests — long for saying something simple. I tried everything. Was it my diet?  Was it the weather? Was it allergies? Was it stress? What I had discovered was that it was everything or nothing that I knew of and when I heard I had a brain tumor I hoped that it would be the cure I was looking for.

So, it wasn’t, of course, but it did eventually get me closer than I’d been for as long as I could remember. After I had brain surgery I had as many, if not more migraines that I had had before. I still do, and if I could give it a card in my Kosmic Egg Project, it would be Expression Nine. It is nothing I’m proud of because it involves a lot of fear, moaning, whining and not really getting anywhere at all. Let’s unravel this a little. Holding onto the pain of a migraine is not something any one of us so afflicted wants to do. Nope, nope, nope.

I have migraines, western medicine has discovered, by something that happens in the surface casing of the brain. Lo and behold my tumor was right in that coating called the Meningioma. The Meningioma becomes irritated somehow and sends signals all over my brain, and down the spine that it is in distress. It doesn’t hold back. I know that not only brain tumors make the Meningioma unhappy, but stress, diet, caffeine, allergies, and lack of sleep or too much sleep can cause that to happen. Once it happens one time, it can become habitual as an expression of alarm by the Meningioma.

The expression goes something like, “Hey, I need to face it, and climb in bed and sleep for goodness sakes!” Easier said than done when in pain, and life happens. So now, I try to catch it before it wells up full force to tell me that. I try to cut it off at the pass.

Migraines are an expression of part of my body, that I have had little control over, and they can cause me to express the worst in me. Like swords hanging over my head for a while before I am able to handle it. Whining. Have you ever met someone, who gets migraines, that doesn’t whine about it at some point? I just can’t keep it hidden.

It turns out having a tumor removed is not a cure to the Meningioma. I admit I have found a medication (email me, if you want to discuss it), and I feel like what has happened is that I’m breaking the habit of the Meningioma to squeeze me out of life. I have them less often, the quicker I am to catching and facing what I have to do without remorse. I am no longer afraid to cancel appearances anywhere. My Meningioma may finally be calming down after trying to get my attention for so very long.

The goal of Expression Nine is to recover ourselves from our worst fears and habits always. It doesn’t have to be a conscious habit, and we don’t have to fight it alone. We simply have to search for answers and take as long as we need to redirect ourselves toward feeling better, and able to live normally.