Finally! At the Beginning.

If you are just joining me at Kosmic Egg Project, let me first welcome you to Tarot Possiblissities. I am so glad you have joined in. I hope many things forward:

  • You will read and learn a lot about Tarot and other things that you hadn’t been aware of before,
  • In my latest Tarot saga, you can find plenty to relate to and laugh with me, as I am, as all of us are, a Fool
  • Discover some answers to nagging questions about life’s mysteries,
  • Finally, that we can become friends in seeing the magic in our every day lives.

Please enjoy the journey and feel free to ask any questions,

If you are like me, with 20 decks collecting dust, or have only one deck well-worn with love, I want to welcome you, too. I very much hope that Kosmic Egg Project will provide a new perspective for you to put to work. I have every intention of breaking rules even as I value them so you have the chance to develop your own, unique understanding of the cards.

Even with so many years of working with Tarot, I am faced with a new question. Is it possible to write an autobiography with Tarot Cards? I mean that seriously. As I’ve said in other places I wanted to make these cards contemporary, as the Visconti deck was contemporary to its own time. I want the images to be recognizable yet sacred in an expression of a world I consider, though full of holes, holy.

This week I’ve been spending time creating design drafts and written drafts of what I hope will be a Kosmic Egg Tarot Deck and Book eventually. The\ five cards I worked on are “Aces”, four for each of the Lesser Mystery suits, and the One in the Greater Mystery suit. They are known traditionally as The Ace of Swords, Cups, Wands, and Pentacles, respectively. In this deck they will be known as Expression, Hold, Energy, and Material Aces. The Magician in most traditional decks is Male, but I have created my One in the Major Arcana to be a Sorceress.

So what is the Yang about Ones? Ones represent in Tarot a moment when we take action good or bad, light or heavy, here or there. We have exhaled air that will force the lungs to eventually inhale unless we are dead, but, still, something will happen. As mature women, we have already gone through many new beginnings, and we are acutely aware that to every beginning there is an ending. We sense a payment for every gift, if not now, then some other time. We have hit the ground running many times, and we know there is nothing necessarily masculine about it. That is partly why I’ve chosen to make the Major Arcana One a woman. She glows with power.

In each of the lesser mysteries, the Aces are a gift of that suit. In Kosmic Egg Tarot they might be seen as a bit different. For the “gift” they represent is overcoming something we were afraid of or avoided. By this time in our lives, this is what is precious, more precious than something purely new, is making new a vision of something old, or facing a deep fear. For instance, the Kosmic Egg Tarot is an old dream that I’m making new.

This is what I learned this week. One in Tarot’s Lesser and Greater Mysteries is not simply a gift, magic, destiny, sunshine that come along with no explanation. Sorceress is all grown up and faced many initiations, trials, and tribulations. One is about a new beginning, sure, but at any age, and in any gender. It is about recognizing our own i-magi-nation, or the Maji (Magician) within, and how many resources we have access to create our ever new reality. In Kosmic Egg Tarot we have faced some of our childish fears and some of our adult pains so that we can see the value in them so that we can turn the world upside down. In fact, an Ace could be called “failure” because that is a great gift to beginning the game again!  Life’s gifts often come from unexpected sources. Unworthy becomes worthy when we have new eyes when we’ve gone to a library that takes us beyond our knowing. We have finally closed the door on expectations, and opened a new door with a sign on it that says, “Play!”

The book will go into each card in depth and will include the traditional explanations for the cards, as well as my interpretations and the stories about how the drawings came to me.

The Tortuous Road

It is a moment that is frozen in your memory, held in an emotional ice cube that can be looked at again and again.

There are the times when I should know a new project will be very difficult. When I should check if the moon plans to be full for three months. When the walk is all uphill, to there and back. This is one of those roads. Making the Kosmic Egg Project happen in a reasonable amount of time seemed really possible and I can’t believe three months have gone by, but things happened that pushed me into a thicket. I couldn’t get up from them for a while. I would call it a “Hold Five” moment if I had a card designed for it. 

Now that I’m through what I think is the worst of it, I realize I may have welcomed it to avoid returning to the project of my desire.  This is part of Hold Fives. The overwhelming sorrow I was drawn into during the Kavanaugh hearings was just the tip of the iceberg, as they say. Yes, I have PTSD, and I was triggered more than I have been for years by something that also happened to me, and worse, at age 17.  But more than that I was also becoming cognizant of the fact that I cannot ever expect to undo these past events. Sometimes, I feel I will forever be emotionally time traveling to inexplicable moments that struck to my very core. 

How to let go of these awful feelings, knowing that they happened long ago, so I can see what good is in my life now is just not something I find easy to do. Sometimes I even hold onto them as if they are my treasures in a weird way.  As if having the worst memories is a competition to win. My heart wrenches as if it is happening right now, and I am going to try to give myself real awareness that I missed out on because of practiced detachment, but it never works and that feels even worse. I can’t go forward. I can’t go backward and be different, and yet I am frozen in a moment that happened years ago, feeling horrible for myself for having gone through it, and knowing that at that moment I drifted away and watched.  Hold Five. Do you know that kind of moment? It is a moment that is frozen in your memory, held in an emotional ice cube that can be looked at again and again.

The goal though is to finally melt it, so that it stays in the past where it belongs.